Sunday, 31 Erastus, 4723
I am writing this inside a fairy pantry, where we are packed cheek to jowl for some quick rest. The body odor situation is beginning reach dire proportions, especially in this confined space, but if we can kill Rhoswen tomorrow I think I can manage. Now, where were we…
After barricading the door against those awful baying wargs, we set out to explore the rest of the ground floor of Rhoswen’s palace. Knives nearly fell into an awful pit trap in the entry hall that was hidden behind an illusion, but otherwise there was little of interest. We decided to return to the room with the figment of Rhoswen and take the stairs up to the next level.
We arrived in a room full of dancing fey creatures, cavorting in some sort of fairy ball. The moment we began to hear music, Knives stuck pieces of ham in her ears and Kubo used pieces of cloth. I was not convinced it would do any good against fey magic—and I was not going to jam greasy meat in my ears. It is both unsanitary and wasteful.
I tried to carefully lead the group around the edge of the party, but my feet began to act up against my will. I was drawn into the dance, dragging Knives along with me by the hand. That was when we began to notice the arrows that the fucking invisible pixies were firing at us.
We very quickly determined that the visible dancing fey were just illusions. Tignus, using his tiger senses, was able to find and dismember a pixie on ground level. But two more remained above us, out of reach, while I was busy forcibly kicking my heels up on the dance floor. It turns out that dancing in armor is both difficult and tiring.
Kubo tried to pinpoint the pixies and hit them with arrows, but they were resistant to his attacks.
Finally, I was able to break free of that embarrassing hex, but I was faced with the fact that damned pixies were out of reach. Since they would be resistant to the steel of my throwing axe, I decided to toss an alchemist’s fire at them. But I gave it too much heft and the bottle smashed against the ceiling, setting the wood aflame. That was an oopsie.
As smoke began to gather, I suggested that we exit the room, in order to draw the pixies closer. But Knives and Kubo had their damned ears blocked up, so it was hard to communicate with them. And conversation with Tignus really only goes one direction.
Once I had opened the door to the next room, they began to get the message. The door led to some sort of dining hall, with an attached kitchen around the corner in the back. We could hear melodious voices in the kitchen.
Tagnus used this opportunity to shift from tiger to bat. Meanwhile, we realized we needed to help our lumberjack friend across the chamber to safety. Kubo and I tried to escort him and draw the pixies’ attention as they continued to rain arrows down at us.
Then roots and branches began to sprout aggressively from the ceiling. It took me a moment to realize that Bat-Tagnus had cast an entangle spell to force the pixies to descend lower. He then fluttered up and nestled in my armor, which was most disconcerting.
It was during this time that Knives must have stowed away somewhere in the dining room.
With the pixies now closer to the ground, Kubo made a running leap into the air to try to slash at one of them with his katana. He really is quite graceful, even in all that armor. And he was rewarded with a cry of pain and a spatter of blood. With that example, I had to make my own attempt as well and likewise drew blood with my cold iron longsword. Then Bat-Tagnus stuck his little head out from under my armor and began spraying water up at the invisible pixies to make them more, well, visible.
Knives tells me that at this time the two satyrs in the kitchen came into the dining room to investigate the noise from the dance hall. She was able to get the drop on one of them and stuffed a tanglefoot bag in his mouth to keep him quiet while she knifed him in the kidneys.
Knives (who is reading over my shoulder as I write this) wants me to note that she “shanked him like a fucking punk.” This feels like unnecessary editorializing.
It was around this time that Bat-Tagnus fluttered out of my clothes and turned into a tiger again. Things began to go not so well for us in the dance hall. I leapt up to make another strike at a pixie but missed. Kubo jumped too high and got stuck in Tagnus’ entangle spell.
That’s when the other satyr, the one who was not busy getting stuck like a pig (thank you Knives), began to play this terrible dirge on his pipes. Knives and Tagnus were both shaken by the dire noise. Yes, Knives, you were shaken, I saw you.
Our lumberjack friend and I, unfortunately, succumbed to the full force of the spell and fled in sheer terror. He dashed back downstairs and I nearly plunged upstairs, but managed to get ahold of myself at the last instant. I spent the rest of the fight huddled on the stairs trying to work up my courage. It was very shameful, but a harsh reminder of the powers these fey spells can have over us.
Kubo was either unaffected, or simply too far away from the satyr for the spell to take hold. Instead, he continued to be stuck in the entangle spell, where he methodically took apart the two fucking pixies.
I could hear the satyrs complaining about the unsanitary intrusion into their cooking area, followed by screams and gargles. I believe Tignus tore up one of them and Knives slew the other. Knives is providing some very graphic details, some of which have to be false, and I am not writing them down because she made fun of me for being vulnerable to fairy magic. Which is a perfectly reasonable thing to be vulnerable to!
Once the battle was done, I managed to find and return with our lumberjack friend. The others had finished looting the area by then, and we’d all come to recognize that we lacked the stamina for another fight.
We decided to clean up the area as best we could, carving up and hiding the bodies the big cauldrons the satyrs were brewing. It was grisly work, made worse by how hungry I was getting. After that, we retreated into this cramped pantry to rest and recover. The lumberjack has first watch, so I had best pack up if I want to get some sleep I before my turn.
I have accepted Knives’ apology, but it is too late for me to go back and add the details she wanted. So instead, she gets to sleep in the spot next to Kubo. Which is what I think she really wanted anyway.